Blog South Africa

The world has of late been making a concerted effort to be more friendly to the delicate ecosystem we inhabit and this message has spread into South Africa and retailers are quickly taking advantage of consumers newfound knowledge and consciousness of the planet.

In South Africa, Woolworths is dominating the front end of this new war on chemicals and waste. They now offer the most extensive range of organic products in South Africa, their trucks run on diesel that includes a 5% mix of used cooking oil, their plastic bags are made of 45% recycled materials, they promote the use of re-usable bags, their baskets and trolleys are made of recycled plastic and they are constantly working on new energy efficient ideas.

They also now offer bins at their shops where you can leave your long life light bulbs for recycling, as disposing of them in normal household waste leaches mercury into the environment, something that is highly poisonous to the planet and to humans health.

South Africa have recently said that they will start to move away from dirty coal, which is their main source of electricity and move onto renewable sources such as solar and also make more use of nuclear power. Again, some will say that nuclear power is a safe and effective source of energy. However, I think we can all agree that it is not. If it were safe to sprinkle a little nuclear waste on our morning cereal, then we might agree that it is safe.

But when you need to store nuclear waste underground and fiercely protect it from any attack, it can be agreed that it is not safe at all. And once again, nuclear power needs to use uranium, and again, uranium won’t last forever. Compounding this is the fact that we need to mine uranium and if the world runs out of oil, we won’t be able to operate the machinery to mine uranium.

South Africa has vast amounts of sunlight and this needs to be taken advantage of in the fight for clean power.
We will R30 billion rand on an arms package http://www.thetimes.co.za/PrintEdition/Article.aspx?id=814268,

but then not lead the race in clean power. We don’t need more arms and submarines. The earth does not need submarines. What it needs is a supply of energy that will never run out and that is clean.

What South Africa also needs is a recycling program that is initiated countrywide and supported and funded by the government. Our government is notoriously unhelpful when it comes to the real problems that we as a country and a planet face. Our current recycling efforts are maintained by small groups of dedicated teams who care about this country. Some households recycle their waste, but it is not a focus of our governments energy. If I separate my household waste into plastic, glass, paper and tin and leave it outside my house, all of that waste goes to landfill. Which is to say our government does not have a in house program to recycle waste. We as individuals need to take our recycling to the depots by ourselves.

This is not a problem, but as humans in the modern day, we want everything to be easy and government needs to take advantage of this. They need to offer the services of a proper recycling truck that picks up waste at our homes. When we start hearing news that Cape Town is running out of landfill space I think it’s time to maybe put a recycling program in place. But as our government is basically clueless in this regard, we continue to not worry about it and we leave it up to shops such as Woolworths to educate us.

It is scary to say this, but from my point of view, most of the South African publics awareness of the planet probably comes not from their OWN government, but rather from Sky News, Al Gore and Woolworths. It’s unbelievable!

According to this article

http://www.greenclippings.co.za/gc_main/article.php?story=20050916105329888

which was written in 2005, Cape Town’s major landfill sites would reach capacity in 5 years. That means 2010, nicely coinciding with an influx of visitors for the 2010 Soccer World Cup!

Does our government not see itself designing, engineering and producing what could be the perfect storm? I guess not as they plod along, buying submarines and telling us that garlic and sweet potatoes will cure AIDS. Obviously, they don’t really believe that HIV causes AIDS in the first place http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/720995.stm

As with the electricity crisis, South Africa waits for a minor detail to become a crisis before they address it. Firstly it was Eskom and their electricity crisis, but now that seems to have been swept under the carpet and the public is calm again. So now we have electricity and it all seems good.

But what we have next on our hands is scary. When Cape Town runs out of landfill space, where are we going to put all our household waste? What is going to happen to Cape Town’s thriving tourist industry? Are foreigners really going to be interested in visiting what would essentially be a rubbish dump? This might be blowing the situation out of proportion, but it’s what we need to push government into taking action.

Our government does not listen to our voices, they don’t listen to us if we march to their gates and propose ideas to them, they don’t listen if we shout at them and they don’t listen if the world shouts at them. What we need to do is basically give them a solid kick in the head to wake them up. Even then, they usually just fall asleep again.

What I foresee for the future of energy and recycling in South Africa is that retailers such as Woolworths and private enterprises will be the driving force behind these eco-conscious initiatives. They will be the ones pushing the public to take action, and the ones driving the force of “green” in South Africa. We already see it now on a day to day basis, as magazines and retailers educate us.

So while we go about buying organic produce and recycling our household waste, the government and all their merry men sit under the water in submarines, burning thousands of litres of diesel. Under the ocean, you don’t feel the swells, you don’t see the storms and you definitely don’t see the landfill sites overflowing.

Our government find themselves in a submarine right now, but I think as soon as they surface and open that hatch, they will look to the skies, they will scan their eyes across the land and realise that they have in fact created the perfect storm.

Xenophobia has lazy beginnings…

The mainstream South African press have recently been throwing the word “xenophobia” around as though it were a recently discovered word and everyone just had to use it. Most people did not know what the word meant when it was first used to describe the recent spate of attacks on foreigners in South Africa.

The press, being a sensationalist group, just love to change little things in their articles to mislead us in a certain way. In the case of the xenophobia attacks, they stated that these attacks were occurring on foreigners. People  visiting South Africa from overseas were suddenly hearing about various attacks on foreigners. They were hearing that they were being set alight, axed and beaten to death. What the press really meant by foreigners were people from neighbouring countries of South Africa. They were referring to people from areas such as Zimbabwe and Malawi who had come to South Africa, not to holiday, but to work.

The attacks began in Johannesburg and very quickly spread to Cape Town, for no apparent reason. What started the attacks might at first seem complex, but upon further inspection seems to find it’s source at laziness.

Foreigners, from the likes of Zimbabwe only come to South Africa because they are desperate to survive and will do anything to make money. They will make wire sculptures on the side of the road, they will wash cars and engage in physical labour because they have a drive to survive. They don’t expect anything to be given to them and this is what the local people hate. They hate that these foreigners are taking their jobs.

The only reason the foreigners are finding employment is because they are willing to work hard. They refuse to sit around waiting for money to be handed down to them. So in fact where the press use the word xenophobia, it is just a name for crime in terms of the current situation. At the times of these attacks there were just many opportunists around the country who thought the whole xenophobia issue was reason enough for them to engage in any criminal activity.

With the word “phobia” thrown into the mix, it makes people think that these local people have a true fear of foreigners, in the same sense that some people are scared to death of clowns or spiders. The locals don’t actually fear the foreigners, but rather just hate them. And the reason they hate them is because they take jobs away from the locals. And the only reason the foreigners take these jobs away from the locals is because they take the initiative to find these jobs, do the work and earn the money.

The xenophobia attacks were possibly one of the worst acts to come out of South Africa in recent history and they were actually made worse by the use of the word xenophobia. The real heart and soul of this hatred was borne out of laziness. Obviously the press are there to sell newspapers and using the word xenophobia meant they had a new angle to approach the story on, and people had something new to talk about.

The other issue is that these foreigners are in the country illegally, but until the South African government makes a steadfast plan to secure the border, there is not a lot we as individuals can do to stop these people entering the country. At the moment the border is nothing more that an imaginary line and you are free to cross it at your will.

Foreigners will always cross that border as long as it is easy enough to get through without the correct documents. And as long as they are crossing it, they will be coming into South Africa to make a living.

To live in harmony does seem impossible right now amid the burning embers of these attacks, but as with everything in life, it will soon calm down and the press will find something new to focus on, and everyone will get back to work until they find something or someone new to blame.

Having just returned from the 2008 travel indaba I thought I would share my experiences with everyone while the event is still fresh in my memory.

For those that don’t know, the indaba is a massive national (there are also a few intenational stands) travel fair, held at the ICC in Durban, where everybody in the industry gets together in the hopes of creating and maintaining business relationships.  Everybody from international hotel groups to smaller guest houses set up stands, and everyone else in the industry attends, at the very least, as a visitor.

Myself and a colleague stayed in Umhlanga (about 20 mins drive from the ICC) while we were in Durban at an extremely well priced 4 star guest house called Inhle Guest House.  At R190 per person per night, you can’t really go wrong!  It was also booked a day before we arrived, so how people can say there is limited accommodation during the event is beyond me??  I can only imagine this is linked to accommodation used by people depending on the shuttles to and from the ICC.

The Indaba ran from Friday 9th May till Tuesday 13th May.  We attended the event on the 10th, 11th an d 12th.  Upon our arrival we discovered there were some problems with my registration.  Based on the questions  answered during the online sign up process, which quite honestly I paid little attention too, I had been deemed, through some obscure algorithm, a “local trader” instead of a “local buyer”.  Not only was I never notified of this after the sign up process almost a week before, but it also meant I was only allowed to attend on Monday and Tuesday (instead of the full event).  This posed a big problem as I had a meeting with one of our main suppliers on Sunday!  Needless to say I circumvented this problem by reregistering at the event, making sure to tick “yes” to all the questions on the form, thereby guaranteeing my place as a “local buyer”.  I was also surprised to discover that an entry fee of R340 applies to anybody visiting as a local buyer and R275 as a local trader.  I don’t recall this taking place when I attended the previous year.  With all the money they make from selling stands, and an estimated 50,000+ people attending the event, I’m sure the Indaba more than covered its costs this year!

The event itself was daunting as always - I still maintain it is not possible to see all the stands at the Indaba.  The key is to go there with an objective in mind and focus just on meeting businesses falling within those parameters.  It is also always a good idea to set up as many meetings as possible prior to arriving.

The layout of the Indaba was loosely based on having hotel groups in the ICC and provincial tourism authorities and miscellaneous stands (including African businesses operating outside of South Africa) in the DEC (Durban Exhibition Centre).  Mpumulanga had their own section in the Coast of Dreams.

In terms of general event organisation, there were plenty of refreshments available - if not provided by the Indaba, many businesses were stocked up at their stands.  The food hall inside the ICC also had some nice, but expensive, dishes.

Looking back over this article I have to admit it’s point is rather vague.  If you take anything with you, let it be that the Indaba is definitely an event worth attending if you are in the travel industry.  Stands probably make more sense for businesses operating “on the ground” as opposed to those with a more virtual/web based presence.  Never forget to draw up a solid strategy of what you intend to accomplish and take a pen and paper!  At the very least write summaries on the back of each business card you get.  The amount of people you will meet is daunting!

For people lucky enough to live in sunny climes, summer is a shimmer of scorching days, blues skies, brown bodies and the delicious lethargy that comes from too much of the above. Unsurprisingly, those living in less summery parts of the world tend to put two fingers up at global warming and hop on the nearest Easyjet for a bit of climate change of their own.

One of the major disadvantages of endless sunshine – other than skin cancer and premature aging – is the risk of fires. Every year, papers around the world are filled with dramatic inferno shots or smoky silhouettes of exhausted firemen amidst charred wreckage. California always makes for a good photo spread: enormous mansions under threat, the beautiful people freaking out about their beautiful possessions.

A friend of mine lives in Sydney, where the threat of fires is very real and very scary. She said that during the last raging inferno (only a few neighbourhoods away), their property was covered in ash. They all spent ages wetting down their roofs and clearing the dry leaves out of their gutters and off pavements and the like.

I was terribly impressed by such civic mindedness – until I realised that they were more than likely being policed, if not by the actual boys in blue, then the over-zealous types who tend to make up most of the Aussie population. Still, at least the community was actively involved in trying to stamp out fires.

People in Cape Town appear to be cut from very different cloth. Here, apparently, the majority of fires in and around the Peninsula are set by arsonists. For whatever the reason (financially motivated, chemically imbalanced, bored) I find it very sad. And just, well, naughty.

That said, there’s naughtiness and sheer stupidity. A couple of years ago an English tourist thoughtlessly chucked a burning cigarette butt and managed to set our beloved Table Mountain on fire. In the ensuing chaos and fuelled by the howling wind, a woman (another British tourist) died of smoke inhalation. The Stupid Smoker was arrested and charged, not with gross negligence or woeful lack of grey matter, but with manslaughter.

Uh, hullo? Manslaughter?

For one thing, if the over-excited arm of the law is that adamant about making examples of non-thinking law-breakers, they’d do better with spot checks on cars and buses who pose far more of a daily threat to millions of people. And really, if the powers that be want to charge people with criminal stupidity, they might take a look a little closer to home – and higher up in the food chain. Government officials leap to mind, like the flames of a eucalyptus tree exploding…

Just for the record, the majority of Capetonians are amazing during the fires. From the tireless fire fighters and volunteers to the God-like chopper flyers and expert er, fire experts, plus all the wonderful folk who donate or make sandwiches and drinks – it’s all enough to make you believe in the goodness in people again.
PS : My all-time favourite call on a local talk-show radio…A wedding-dress designer rang in to say that the flames were licking alarmingly close to his property but he wanted all his brides to know that he and Mitzy (the miniature Toy Pom) were standing next to the pool with all the frocks and if the flames got any closer they were going to pile the dresses onto the lilo and wait for it to pass!

South African Banks are charging exorbitant fees and ripping off everybody who is trying to sell products online. Let me try and share my opinion on what’s involved when setting up an automated payment system and the complexity of performing E-Commerce in South Africa.

“How do I go about setting up an automated payment system so that users can make payments on my South African website?”

First you need to choose a 3^rd party who will enable online credit card payments. The biggest in the world is Pay Pal. Unfortunately Pay Pal is not an option here in South Africa due to the fact that you cannot receive funds if you bank in South Africa. Why is this?

Well, there are several theories, the most common being that the South African Reserve Bank (SARB), which is in charge of monetary policy, cannot control the flow of funds by account users. However, one must take into account that the SARB does not make exchange control policy - that’s the duty of the Department of Trade and Industry, the Minister of Finance and parliament. Considering the above facts it’s rather ironic that the founder of Pay Pal is a South African.

I personally reckon that there’s more to it than that. The South African Banking Cartel (ie. ABSA, FNB, NEDBANK and STANDARD Bank) have been sleeping with the SARB and the South African Treasury for decades. South African banks have been earning massive profits by charging these exorbitant fees associated with merchant accounts.

PayPal poses a serious threat to the earnings of the SA Banking Cartel. No where else in the world are banking fees as high as in SA. Why do you think foreign banks are queuing up to buy SA banks?

The SA Banking cartel is trying is best to cling to this OLD costly way of doing business. Small virtual companies like ours are all starting to question the process. Why are we paying Standard Bank huge fees to handle our online credit card processing? What do they actually do to earn these huge fees? How much responsibility do they accept when a transaction is fraudulent. PayPal if allowed in could do the same thing for half the price.

And lastly on the Pay Pal subject I suspect that Pay Pal does not allow SA account holders to receive funds because African countries are host to 419 scammers and money launderers.

Waoh, I think I got lost. Let’s get back to the process and actual fees charged.

In South Africa you can choose between several 3^rd party companies for CC processing, VCS and PayGate are the biggest. We chose the largest VCS.

After choosing a 3^rd party vendor, you now have the option of getting your own merchant account from your bank or you can piggy back off the 3^rd party’s merchant account.

Getting your own merchant account is in many ways the preferred option. Contact your bank directly and get a merchant account with them. The 3^rd party credit card facilitator (VCS) then assists in the transactions for a fee. This gives you total control over your cash.

This is easier said than done. The bank requirements are quite rigid especially if you are a start-up with no banking history. All SA bank’s require at least a 12 months banking history, R 120 000.00 credit card turnover per annum, a business plan and your website must meet the bank’s/ECT Bill requirements.

This is the part that I have a problem with; South African banks will typically charge a fee of about 5% of the transaction value. This is an entry point for a new business and these rates are determined using a number of factors, including the average order rand amount, estimated total monthly rand volume, the perceived business risk, etc. This rate can be renegotiated as your turnover goes up.

If you cannot qualify for a merchant account then you need to Piggy back off the 3^rd party’s merchant account.
VCS allows you do this with hardly any set up required. No business plan and no minimum required annual turnover.

But here is the catch. They will only pay out the money between 15 and 30 days after the transaction and 10% of the amount is kept back for 90 days. They say it’s to protect the merchant. Let’s not forget the transaction fees for this option, see http://www.vcs.co.za.

5%-7% for FNB, 6% for Standard Bank, 5% for ABSA and 6% for Nedbank. Are you wondering how these bankers sleep at night with these ridiculous fees being charged.

But wait more fees also apply.

Setup Fee: sometimes called an “application fee”, this onetime fee varies widely, from R0 to R3000 depending upon the acquiring bank.

Discount Rate: is the percentage of the total sale that you pay to the acquiring bank. Internet-based merchant account discount rates range from approximately 2% to 6%.

Transaction Fee: some acquiring banks levy a transaction fee in addition to the discount rate. R0.50 cents plus 0.5% of the value of each transaction. Note that banks that waive the transaction fee sometimes “build it in” to the discount rate to make their fees appear more competitive.

Statement Fee: this fee covers the cost of producing your monthly statement. Typical fees are R100 or under, and some banks do not charge a statement fee at all.

Monthly Minimum: some acquiring banks will charge you a minimum R125 if your discount rate plus transaction fees do not exceed the minimum amount.

Chargeback Fee: if a customer successfully repudiates a charge from you, the bank will charge you a “charge-back” fee. This rate varies from R100 to R300 for each chargeback. Note that too many charge-backs will likely result in the loss of your merchant account status.

Reserve Funds: if the acquiring bank perceives that your level of risk exceeds their standard guidelines but is not high enough to result in a rejected application, you may be required to set up a reserve account with the bank. This provides a fund that the merchant account provider can access should you exit the business or you experience excessive charge backs.

Enough bad news, I believe that https://www.alertpay.com another pay gate like Pay Pal has entered SA. They have a FNB account which you fund with a ref # provided by them. You will be able receive funds into your bank account from March 2008. The discount rate is 2.5% + $0.25 per transaction. I think that the SA banking Cartel can expect an exodus from small online businesses that are sick of being ripped off.

If you have managed to read through all this, I am sure that by now you feel the same way about banks as I. Make sure you choose a development company that knows how to implement e-commerce solutions and make sure you factor in all these crazy bank charges before deciding what price you should sell your goods online. (Thank God my exceptionally smart business partner coded this all up for our company)

Ok so here I go again, still hunting for the perfect way to celebrate a year of up’s and downs with the man I love.  “Falling in love”.  This common expression got me thinking, I “fell” in love with him so why don’t I “fall” out of a plane with him (better than falling out of love with him).  Enter SKYDIVING.  Aah, falling from the sky and seeing the earth get closer and closer,  your adrenaline rushing through your body, sounds perfect.

I only have one teeny tiny problem… will I remember to release my shoot???  Thankfully there are different types of “jumps” for those aged 16+.

The Tandem Jump

This is when you are strapped to an instructor and he releases the shoot for you, no mess no fuss, just you, the sky, the birds and a great view…oh…yes and let’s not forget the instructor strapped to your back!  For about R1250 you get to have a hassle free jump with no responsibilities or complications.  No need to know the technical side of the jump and you don’t have to endure hours of training before you can jump.  All you need to do is arrive and saddle in.

The Static line jump

Well basically this means that there is a line attached from your parachute pack to the plane.  As you fall away from the aircraft the line deploys the main canopy, instantly opening your parachute.  This is more involved in that a few hours of training is required.  For R800 you get a full day (8am -4pm) of training and by the time you’re done you’ll be set for your jump.  If the bug catches you and you decide to skydive again a few weeks later you need to return within 6 weeks of your original jump to avoid training once more.

Accelerate free fall skydiving

(drum roll) Yes everybody…this is when you release your own shoot after falling freely toward the ground for a period of time! R8300 pays for a 2 week, 10 level course.

The course is divided in to 3 stages:

Levels 1-3

Assisted by 2 AFF instructors you will learn the primary skills required for freefall.

Levels 4-7

Only 1 AFF instructor is now needed to help you learn solo skills.

Levels 8 – 10

You will experience a minimum of three solo jumps.

The best part is that once you have completed 25 Free fall jumps you get an internationally recognised A-licence.  You will have to pay for the rest of the jumps to complete your 25.

The locations for skyddiving are Ceres and along the west coast (e.g Melkbosstrand).  There are some great sky dive “schools” I found on the web to book your jump with.

Watch out Superman I’m taking to the skies!

Next I’ll be blowing hot air in to a balloon, a hot-air-balloon that is…

No I’m not talking about the kind of high you get from puffing, sucking,swallowing or injecting anything.
The high I’m talking about is getting your head in the clouds…literally. Soon I’ll be celebrating my one year anniversary and to mark this I thought that getting high would be a great way to celebrate.

Now, even though I’m 100% Capetonian, I was surprised to find that I could paraglide, sky dive, hot air balloon, ride in a helicopter, microlight (don’t worry I didn’t know what it was either) and even JET FLY all in my back yard!
Here is my list of how to GET HIGH in CAPE TOWN!

Let’s explore paragliding…

With 3 locations to choose from and the option of having your “glide” photographed for and extra R100, this is a great way of getting high.
The Lions Head/ Signal Hill locations offer either a 1 hour or a half an hour glide over Cape Town.
For R850 you will get high over looking Table Mountain, Lions head, the Twelve Apostles and even Hout bay!

If your looking for a more “scenic” view then the Franschoek location would be the better choice.
For R950 you not only get collected at your accommodation, but they drive you along the must see Cape Winelands route. Once you arrive at the Franschoek launch site you’ll climb a breath taking 280 feet above the Franschoek valley and, once again, for and extra R100 you will get some truly stunning pictures.
And just when you thought it was all over, with your head still in the clouds, they will also give you snacks and lunch, and everyone knows that the best way to wash down snacks and lunch is with a a glass of bubbly.

For beach babies the Hermanus location is an absolute winner. As with Franschoek, you are also collected and snacks as well as lunch await you after your frolic in the sky. The big difference is the view. On the right day you could see the whales from the world famous whale watching spot. Personally speaking, this magnificent location is probably my first choice, though that just might the beach baby in me talking now.

These are just my choices for paragliding, don’t think I’ve forgotten that I still have the rest of my Getting high list to go through! For now I’ll sit with what I’ve divulged so far and next I’ll take you through the sky diving options which Cape Town has to offer.

Here’s to getting high in Cape Town!

I have a confession to make. Its about a habit. One that I can’t kick. I’ve been addicted for the best part of 20 years. I managed to remain ‘clean’ for the few years that I spent in London, but now being back in South Africa its reaching a new level of invasiveness into my life. I struggle to concentrate on work. I think about it 24/7. I cannot go on holiday without being able to do it. In fact all my holidays are now geared towards this habit. I’ve got my wife hooked. I tend to socialise with other addicts and bore others talking about it. Thing is, I don’t want to quit. I’ll never quit. I love it. My name is James and I’m a surfer. 

Non-surfers think I and others like me are crazy. Why drive for miles, suit up in a skin tight jumpsuit (also known as a wetsuit) and jump into icy, shark infested waters so that you can get pounded by breakers for a couple of hours? Its hard to explain, really. Surfers call it ‘stoke’. Its simply an incredible feeling of speed and freedom as you ride the remnants of a storm that often started thousands of kilometres away. You’re both on top of the water but the wave starts to envelop you as it walls up and spits you down its face. You’re free to rip and slash at the water, using the power of the wave as you wish, or simply cruise along and enjoy the ride. Slip up though, overestimate your skill or underestimate the power, direction and speed of the wave and you’ll be chucked about as if you’re in a washing machine. As clichéd as it sounds you really feel part of and one with nature. Nothing else I’ve experienced has come close. It is feels infinitely better than any engine powered watersport, wakeboarding included. 

Anyone can do it, young or old. There’s a bit of a learning curve, but you needn’t be too ambitious. Start with a big thick 9 foot longboard on waist high waves and you’ll be standing up on it by the end of your first session. With such a long coastline and varied surf conditions, surfing is becoming a more and more popular pastime in South Africa. Surf schools have sprung up in areas with mellow waves such as Muizenberg in Cape Town and Plettenberg Bay in along the Garden Route. Attending a surf school is very popular for the ever increasing numbers of ‘adventure tourists’ that visit our shores. 

South Africa has also always been involved with professional surfing and now has four men on the ‘Dream Tour’ where the top 45 surfers from around the world compete at the worlds best surf spots. One of these spots is at a small town in the Eastern Cape called Jeffery’s Bay. The surf spot, called Supertubes, is a point break where the wave peels along a shoreline of volcanic rock resulting in very long, fast and hollow rides. When I say hollow, I mean that the wave is steep and forms a tube as it breaks. In these conditions, and if the wave is big enough, a surfer can ride the wave inside the tube – an exhilarating feeling, like being inside the eye of a storm. 

After all this I actually want to end by dissuading you from starting surfing. Don’t surf. You’ll get skin cancer. You’ll start talking like the village idiot in a surf slang that only other idiots will understand. You’ll lose your job. Lose your partner. Lose your leg to a shark. Its hard to learn. Its tiring. Don’t surf, because I want the waves to myself.

February is a fabulous month in Cape Town.  Particularly if you’re a student waiting for varsity to start.  It’s a little less wonderful if you’re a worker bee (they’re not called drones for nothing) forced to leave the sunshine and happy day outside, before getting stuck in rush-hour traffic.

But the thing about sitting in traffic – other than the asphyxiation from the exhaust fumes – is that you can really appreciate the little things.  The wild flowers along the side of the road, for instance.  Or any of the views from the high ways, which are pretty spectacular.  There’s a spot along De Waal Drive where the mountain is perfectly framed between the branches of a small tree – it’s so pretty it almost makes the gridlock worth it.

Motor cyclists all swear that it’s a far better, more connected experience, being out in the open and not cut off in an air-conditioned box watching it all go by.  I agree (although I don’t like motorbikes and worry like a mother hen when they weave through traffic).  My car is without aircon (note to tourists: make sure you hire a car with AC) so I drive with the windows alllllllll the way down.  And you really do feel more connected.  You can hear snatches of music or talk shows, catch a whiff of whatever people are smoking.  Sometimes, if you’re close enough, you can even pick up novel new swear words by an irate driver cut off by a taxi.

Generally though, drivers here are remarkably laid back and, with the exception of the kamikaze taxi drivers, pretty courteous.  And since most folk in CT drive as if they’re lost tourists – last-minute lane changes, snail-pace driving while they look for road names, lost-in-thought delays at traffic lights, dawdling in the fast lane – foreigners have nothing to fear.

Best of all, it’s almost impossible to get lost – even without the help of GPS/SatNav.  The mountain is our enormous land mark and the weather gives clues too.  See, different parts of the city have different climates.  Honestly.  In fact, different suburbs should have different time zones, what with the sun going behind the mountain and one side being bathed in sunshine while the other is getting ready for bed!

But I digress.
So here are my tips for recognizing the area you’re in:
Car rocking alarmingly in the wind? You must be in Woodstock.
Temperature drops two degrees? Just came around Hospital Bend.
Drizzle? Newlands
Perfect day, sunny, clear, no wind? Monday to Friday, going into town.
Miserable, windy etc? Weekend weather…

Ps Yesterday it was HOWLING in Woodstock.  So much so I casually asked my friend if she was sure the house wasn’t going to do a Three Pig-style collapse.  She laughed in my face.  But, when we got back form supper, blow me down (!), but the church down the road’s roof had blown off!!!! It was scattered across the street and a large chunk had landed on some poor bloke’s car.  What’s he gonna put on his insurance claim? An act of God, perhaps?

So apparently power outage has overtaken crime as the topic of choice at dinner parties around South Africa. Traffic too is a disaster topic, what with traffic lights not working and all round chaos.  Apparently in Joburg (a city known for its, er, “assertive” drivers) it’s turned into a road-rage nightmare.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I myself have a little grumble, but only about how very unaffected I am – and I do this very, very quietly because I don’t want to tempt fate and spend the rest of my day spent stuck in a lift somewhere.  Lets face it, staying in South Africa can be pretty close to paradise sometimes.

Maybe it’s a throwback to my polite WASP heritage, but frankly I am not outraged.  Mildly inconvenienced would be a far better description.  The extent of my load-shedding experience is the occasional brief surge of hope when the lights dim at work – only for the generator to kick in.  Friday night the whole of Cape Town was without power.  We were at a braai (barbecue) at friends and since everything was cooked and the candles already lit, we carried on regardless.

Last year was marginally worse, and that was only because our neighbour’s generator made a terrible racket.  Oh, and I got ticketed once because, in the pitch dark, I’d parked partly over a yellow line – but that was more over zeal on the part of the traffic department.

Official advice is to go to bed early.  This is great.  They mess up and send us to bed? And of course – wink wink – what about the burgeoning birth rate?

Pass the buck is a national pastime here.  Finger-pointing too.  So current government blames Apartheid conspiracy to cripple democracy.  Everyone else blames 14 years of turning a blind eye to the looming crisis.  Yet as ever it is the masses that suffer. Now there is talk of solar power (hmm I wonder which government bigwig’s brother-in-law owns shares in solar power??).

I love the euphemisms we use - “power outage”…“load shedding”. To shed light is to add it??  “Power cut” is more correct,  “blackout” too.
A friend was flying a helicopter the other night and said he watched the power of a suburb go off.  Amazing.  Just a huge block of light – bah!  Gone.

As I write this, our aircon is on fullblast, every neon light beams and I can hear hammers and jack-hammers and drills – all powered by electricity.  Considering I am 100m from the waterfront and 500m from the new Green Point stadium construction site, I take this to be a good sign.

There’s been lots of talk about 2010, obviously, and whether we’ll pull it off.  Now with all the power outages and ensuing chaos, the pressure seems to be on.  But a lot of machinery doesn’t actually work off electricity, does it? I have absolutely no idea how building equipment works.  How hysterical.  Do they use electricity or is it fuel? Hydraulic? Cement mixers, cranes? Bulldozers diesel.  No excuses??? Generators for bigger cranes?  Dunno.  Ignorance and Cape Town is bliss